I am writing this book to help others on their journey to find their soulmate. The term “soulmate” means many things to different people. Here is my definition. My desire is for a life partner who has high character and knows how to love themselves, which enables them to share that love with others while living a healthy lifestyle. We complement each other and are compatible. They honor and respect themselves and our monogamous relationship. We genuinely support each other’s dreams, goals, and relationship desires. Any dramas, traumas, or past relationships are over and left in the past. We have similar core values (e.g., honesty, transparency, integrity, etc.) that govern our lives. When challenges arise, as there will always be growth areas, they have the willingness, tools, and resources to deal with them and move forward.
Grit, willingness to grow and develop, transparency, and courage are critical qualities needed to change and transform. Learning more about myself gave me greater clarity about what is important, such as expressing my genuine desires, perceiving another person’s “real” intentions, and choosing only healthy relationships in the future. Thus, my dating preferences evolved.
It has taken me several decades to figure this out. I have been married for over 25 years and divorced three times. I learned something from each relationship, which drove my personal and spiritual growth.
Initially, we seek experiences based on our role models (parents, relatives, and friends) and learn through trial and error. Our hopes are high when we first meet. As we spend time with someone, we experience them as they “really” are. Our past relationship Karma shapes our beliefs, behaviors, and actions. Karma is the total of our conscious and unconscious desires, beliefs, attitudes, drives, and actions accumulated over time. If we have experienced loving, supportive, honest, mentally and emotionally healthy, romantic, and monogamous relationships that lasted for over the years, then we set this as our Karmic relationship baseline. Another key is being respectful of each other as individuals and our relationship.
As we become more experienced, some choose the path of “La Vida Loca.” Their lives are filled with frequent partying, affairs, and old “friends” who they hook up with across years and even decades. However, the “high” they encounter is temporary, and they become trapped, continually seeking stimulus from outside of themselves to feel alive. If this is your life goal, enjoy it!
Yet, I have noticed that we seek more meaningful relationships as we age. We set goals of settling down when we hit 30. We date and seemingly only encounter “La Vida Loca” players. Then you hit 40! Next comes 50. Take a wild guess about what type of relationships they experience. Their past has become based on their unconscious choices. They are trapped because even though they say they want a good, stable relationship, they are “player players” who subconsciously choose other players and do not take responsibility for changing their mating choices. Where is their life partner who loves, supports, respects, and cares for them in a monogamous relationship?
Decades of living in “Tinder Land” do not prepare anyone for a loving, supportive, respectful, committed relationship. Romance novels and movies create a fantasy that things will just work out when you meet the right person. Decades of crazy, shallow, convenient sexual relationships do not build a foundation for a committed relationship, let alone marriage.
I wondered why most of the women I met who claimed they wanted to be in a monogamous long-term relationship did not know how to make that happen. Many thought it was okay to be a “side piece” even though their “friend” would never commit to them and treated them poorly. Yet, they desperately held on to them.
I am writing this book to share the lessons I have learned from my experience, research into human behavior, and spiritual psychology. The experiences in this book are not only my personal experiences. They are from stories that friends, fellow seekers, and family have shared with me. Let’s begin our journey of “From Profiles to Partners, A Successful Guide to Real Love: How to Attract, Recognize and Fall In Love with Your Soulmate.
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